Please Don't Eat Me!

I was making some cereal  (*On a side note it was the generic cereal that comes in big huge bags and tastes just the same as the more expensive kind*) the other day and happened upon this frightened little soul.  He didn't seem all that happy about being eaten and luckily for him I saw that face crying out for help in a sea of milk.  I saved him, dried him off and gave him a place to stay for the night.  The next day I sent him on his way.  (To the trash can.)

100 points to the person who can guess what cereal this was.

Toe Sunday (Part II)

Just wanted to give all you toe lovers a quick update on Big 'ol  numero uno.  I figured it was the least I could do since it has been so long since I last wrote something.  Anyway he's doing just fine now.  Although he has lost some toughness and it looking rather thin up top now.  It's a said fact about life.  As a toe gets older it starts losing his nail.  Some people say stress is a factor while others argue it's hereditary.  Either way this guy has become a baldy.  Alright anyway that's about it on the toe front.  Peace out.  

It's Toe Friday Bitches!

This is what you get when you mix heavy weights with poor foot protection. The picture is my big toe with the toenail hanging on for dear life. I suffered this accident awhile back when I was lifting weights at work. Yes I can do that and you can't so in your face. Anyway what was left, after a 45lb plate fell at speeds unknown to man, was a mangled big hairy toe. The pain came first and then the blood. All that was left was a dried up blood toe. It has yet to just fall off but it's coming along nicely. So be kind to your toes or they will haunt your dreams like mine.

Now some fun toe facts.

• The toenail may be from 0.05mm to 1.0mm thick and grows its full length in 6 - 12 months.
  
• Contrary to popular belief, nails do not continue to grow after death; the skin dehydrates and tightens, making the nails (and hair) appear to grow.
  
• The last recorded measuring for the longest toenails in the world was in 1991. Back then Louise Hollis of California won hands down with a combine length of her 10 toenails of 2.21 meters or 87 inches.
  

Fun At The Mountain Brook Courthouse

So the other week I had to go to court to contest a crappy ticket I got for following too closely. It sucked b/c the cop was kind of a dick and I ended up calling in at my job(which I was trying to get to) and just missing a whole day of joy.
Anyway I go in and two hours later I come out with a letter saying I have to go to defensive driving school. Sweet!!!! Four hours with 16 year old girls and dorky guys with acne. My dream come true. So next time any of you hot rods go through Mountain Brook/Vestavia make sure you drive safe or this could happen to you.>>>>

ATLiens

I was in the A-T-L this week for some training for the airport. I am now an official operations load agent. I know it's technical but basically I am in charge of getting all those big metal bitches off the ground and balanced enough to fly due to what's going on them. Yeah I don't get paid any more and get more responsibility. Basically I am still paid like crap to try and not cause planes to crash. The class was good and I learned a lot of good stuff out there. Airports are interesting places. They are really great for those of us who are people watchers. Nothing to do. Go to an airport.

If I have one problem with them is all the security people go through now. I know I know it's for our safety. Blah....Blah...Blah...

Security in (ATL) is hell. Even for employees it's still pretty bad.

Being there made me think of a time pre- 9/11 where a group of friends and I all drove to the airport from Montgomery. I was asked to pick something up there. Well we obviously had nothing else to do and headed over. After getting the goods we decided to walk around the airport. I don't remember much other than at one point

I was there with my (ex) girlfriend and these blind people walked up to us asking us where something was. We were downstairs near the moving sidewalks. I proceeded to give them directions the best I could. I made a fatal flaw of then pointing out where they needed to go from there. Duhh. In the meantime two of my friends were there to witness another blind person, who I ca n only assume was with the other two (they must travel in packs), streaming by only a moving sidewalk. He just happened to be going the opposite direction.. He was calling out for them. It was definitely a weird moment b/c of what we were doing, who we saw and the fact that all this went down around 11 or 12 o' clock at night (at least that late). To sum up we drove back stopped at a t'bell in College Park (sketchy) and ended up taking our shirts off. Well not all of us. :(

Wake Up

What is it about being in one's own bed that makes us feel that everything is fine and tends to get us relax more. Besides the obvious fact that it's sole purpose is for just that. When we are in our beds at night by strange noises we tend to just want to do nothing. Our first thought is usually to pinpoint the sound and then once this is accomplished we usually fall asleep immediately. Well I know no one wants to hear me ramble on about this crap so I will get to my story.
So the other night a friend of mine had come into town. We had a good time and I decided I had to call it a night. So apparently after we all go t back and everyone had gone to bed is when my sense of direction and awareness shut off temporarily. Later that night I was on my way to bed and as I'm crawling into the covers I hear a voice say " John what are you doing?" This stunned me and caused my brain to kick in. It turns out that this wasn't my bed but the bed of my roommate and his slumbering girlfriend. It had wandered in there after a pit stop at the bathroom and apparently closed my eyes and quietly walked. My roommate had heard the toilet flush but didn't see or hear me come in until I was over the bed about to crash land on his girlfriend.

*I later found out she took a knee to the stomach/chest area and withstood it. Major toughness points for that one. *

He didn't here me come in at all. After becoming aware of this situation I mumbled something about being in the wrong room and walked out. Besides the obviously funny moment that happened another point was later brought up by me and my roommate. That is what if I had been a killer or robber. The way my roommate reacted in realizing someone was in his room was very relaxed and almost indifferent. Remember it's not like he laid quietly and laughed at me walk into his room. he never heard me come in. Even as his eyes were adjusting to me across the bed from him he didn't even seem to care that much and just wondered what I was doing there. We both thought this would have been weird if I had actually broken into the house to kill him or his girlfriend. I learned something very valuable from this night. The fear of being murdered in your sleep will always lose power of a nice soft bed and a good sleep.

Old Men Just Don't Care

At what point to men stop caring about who will see them naked. What I am getting at is there must be an age where guys give up trying to cover their stuff in locker rooms or saunas. I'm thinking of a number between 38 and senior citizen.

* I wish the locker rooms I've been in were this nice and clean.

I have started going to the YMCA downtown to workout and swim. This had led me to bring clothes to change into. I know locker rooms are supposed to be places where guys can shower, change and basically relax. This does not give every pair of wrinkled balls to plop down wherever they feel like. This place is like a Turkish bath filled with scantily clad men walking around like everyone else there must be invisible. I actually wish they were the ones I couldn't see. To the left of me is a grossly overweight guy sitting in a chair at the entrance of the bathrooms. His gut is falling over his knees which actually helps to cover his meat and potatoes. He is wheezing and out of breath. My guess is from the walk he has taken from the steam room or as I like to call it bacteria central. Ahead of me in the locker are butt cheeks scattered all over the place. Around every corner I face the sight of wieners and guts. The locker room should be renamed Guts and Butts because that is all you see when your in there. One time I decided to be brave and get into the whirlpool before I left. I'm not in there five minutes before this butt naked old man (who else) strolls into the waters. Maybe it's me here but there is something not cool about another man getting into a 5' x 5' area filled with steam and bubbles with nothing but his deodorant on. Anyway I have realized that when I go to the Y now I will have to deal with balls. And not the kind you shoot with.